Fearless: Why homebirthing works for me!

One of my bloggy friends recently asked, "Does child birth still scare you? I think part of my hesitation for excitement is my knowledge of what's coming, lol."

I decided it would be best to write a full entry about it, rather than load her blog with long novelesque comments.  So, here goes.

{35 weeks pregnant with Molly Jo, January 2012}

Childbirth is no longer frightening to me, but it used to be. When I was pregnant with Merikalyn, I didn't really think about it. I grew up around birth since my mother was a childbirth educator. I had sat through many of her classes, read a lot of the material, heard a lot of labor and birth discussions, seen videos, etc. I was a wealth of information before I was ever "with child".  My mother never presented natural birth in a scary way.  She was (is) a big supporter of natural childbirth, and so I never really considered anything other than a natural birth. I didn't realize (natural) birth was something to be "afraid of", but I was aware of the dangers involved in some interventions, and I knew I didn't want a medicated birth (or a c-section).  Merikalyn arrived three weeks early, before it really hit me that I was actually going to go through labor which would likely be painful. I really thought she'd be born closer to her due date, so I hadn't begun to worry yet. (Ha!)

Merika's labor and birth was very unpleasant. I labored on my back for hours and hours. Since I wasn't able to eat anything really nourishing (because popcicles do not give the body the energy needed to labor!), I became exhausted. She got stuck in my pelvis, so I was given a saddle block (a shot which numbs the area that would rest on a saddle if you were sitting on one) before she was pulled with forceps from my body.

I learned to fear birth. I learned that birth was long, painful, and exhausting. I wanted more children, but man.. that labor thing. Ugh.

When I got pregnant with Nolyn, I knew I wanted to do things differently. I knew much of the reason for my previous "bad birthing experience" with Merikalyn was due to me not being well informed, so I decided to do more research and dig into things.  First of all I realized that it was not good for me to be laboring flat on my back.  I learned I should try to be on my feet or at least in a sitting position, and if I needed to rest, I should rest on my side, not my back.  I asked for a birthing ball. I wrote a birth plan. I was determined to have a better experience.  And, as far as natural hospital births go, it was a fairly good experience. My water broke at 11:30pm one evening and Nolyn was born at 6:30am the next morning.

I learned a lot from Nolyn's birth.  First of all, after my water broke, I hung around the house. My water had also broken with Merika, and we had rushed off to the hospital even though I wasn't really contracting a lot. So, with Nolyn, we decided to hang out until the contractions became more intense. When they did, we headed to the hospital.  The contractions were on top of one another and it was hard to ride those laboring waves while we were on our way to the hospital.  However, once we got to the hospital and were admitted, the contractions stopped.

Ugh.  And it took forever for them to kick back in!  

I later realized that I do not progress well around a lot of people, especially strangers or even people I know but don't feel comfortable with (like my MIL).  I do not like people watching me labor. I do not care to have nurses and doctors filtering in and out of my room. And, I disliked how shift changes fell during my labors, which often meant that the nurse I finally felt comfortable with would be leaving.  

At one point (during Nolyn's birth), there were five or six nurses standing in the back of my room "just watching".  I was later told that they were amazed that someone as young as me (I was 20 at the time) was having a natural birth, and were told they should watch what a natural birth looks like. Apparently, several of them were amazed by the support system I had in my parents.  So, I had extra people in my room, and felt like I was some sort of science experiment.  Totally uncomfortable!

So, really, birth is scary to me, but only when it's in the context of a hospital birth.  Home birth is not scary to me at all.  I actually look forward to my home births. Hospital births are frightening, and when I thought I might have to have one with Evangeline (because of her heart issue, which was healed before she was born), it really freaked me out. I couldn't stop thinking about it.  I can't even explain how much anxiety came from that!

While I am grateful that we have hospitals for true emergencies, I do not feel that most births qualify as emergencies. I believe that my body was created to perform this task, so birthing is not something I view as dangerous.

While a home birth may be scary to many, it is not scary to me.  In fact, for me, it's what takes the fear out of childbirth. Knowing that I am going to give birth in the privacy and coziness of my home and around the people I love and have chosen to be there gives me great comfort. Being able to choose where I give birth makes me feel like I have control. I don't have to give birth flat on my back, legs spread, feet up in the air. I don't have to be completely exposed. I can give birth in the water. I can give birth on my bed. I can give birth while leaning over my birthing ball. I can snack on whatever I want. I don't have to be confined to a sterile-feeling room. My home is where I feel safe. It's where I feel loved. I feel a warmth within these walls. It's comfortable. It's home. For me, there is no better place to have a baby. 

Laboring at home means I don't have to worry about when it's time to go to the hospital. I can choose to take my mind of the contractions by folding clothes or doing a last minute tidy.  I can hang out with the kids and watch movies with them, read books, play board games. Laboring in a hospital made time stretch on forever.  Laboring at home? Well, time seemed to fly.

Labor and childbirth is no longer frightening because I have witnessed the simplicity it was meant to be.  Keagan's birth was just so incredible. It was so uneventful, really. I began feeling regular contractions on a Tuesday.  The next day, the contractions became a bit more intense, and by that evening, they were rolling one on top of the other. But, because I was in the comfort of my own home, hanging out in my tub, relaxing in my own environment... it was actually, dare I say, enjoyable.

Evangeline's birth wasn't picture perfect, but it wasn't something I look back on with fear.  There was definitely pain involved (since she was born with her hand up by her face, so her head didn't just "pop out" like it should have), but it was still far more comfortable and beautiful and relaxing than any of my hospital births. {Picture, Keagan, freshly birthed, Sept 12, 2007}

I wish everyone could experience a birth like Keagan's. It was amazing, life changing. 

Now, instead of fearing contractions, I welcome them. Every contraction makes me smile, even these preparatory contractions [Braxton Hicks].  I know that they are preparing my body, preparing my uterus, preparing my baby for that moment, for the big event. That excites me!

In an old blog post, I wrote, "And, of course, there comes the labor and the birth in which we must put our trust in God. When we were planning and praying about Keagan's unassisted birth, God often reassured me. "You are fearfully and wonderfully made," He'd whisper. "I made your body. I created you, my daughter, to be able to give birth- do not be afraid!" To date, Keagan's birth has been one of the most amazing, spiritual events in my life, and most definitely in my marriage. God used the pregnancy and birth to bring us so much closer together as husband and wife and as family as well."

Birth is incredibly spiritual to me. Children are the only eternal thing we will ever produce in our lives, so it's no wonder it's so spiritual, deep, and emotional. We are bringing another soul into this world! It is now something I look forward to. Something I anticipate and am eager for.

{Evangeline, freshly homebirthed, getting checked out by her siblings.}

{Sept. 7, 2010}

  I recommend books like Childbirth Without Fear [Grantly Dick-Read] and any materials you can get your hands on that are written by Michel Odent (he has written some books, but also has free articles spread throughout the web).  Ina May Gaskin's books are wonderful as well, although she makes it sound like homebirths are just for hippies. *Smile*

I feel like I should probably put a disclaimer in here- something about this being my personal views based on my personal experiences because, too often, people take discussions and posts about natural births and home births as an attack on their hospital, medicated, interventioned births. I've had hospital births. I didn't feel safe there. It didn't feel comfortable to me. A hospital birth is NOT for me. Hospital births cause me to be fearful, not relaxed. Homebirthing makes me feel at peace, relaxed, fearless. It is what it is.  I am not saying you are wrong for the birth you chose if it was different from mine (or that your birth was any less amazing if it was in a hospital).

The house named.....

I like to name things.  I named my van (Betsy Bessie. Hubby's truck is called "Hank", for the record). At one point, I had even named the appliances.  So, it should be no surprise that I really like the idea of naming our house.  In the post 3 TRICKS to take the WORK out housework, the gals at How Does She? introduce their readers to the fabulous Julie Meyer, a cheerful homemaker who enjoys spreading her love of organization and peaceful homekeeping to others.

Julie shares, "To help you develop a sense of pride in your home, I’ll suggest a few exercises to get you on the right mental track. The first one is fun and easy. It was inspired by traveling the English countryside with my three girlfriends. We noticed that all the homes were named, from the smallest cottages, to the lavish estates. We visited Groombridge Place, Burghley House, Chatsworth, and Chawton Cottage. In the movie Pride and Prejudice these places were, Longbourne, Rosings Park, and Pemberly etc. We decided that when we returned home, we would all name our homes. I live in more of a Cottage than a Manor, which I have embraced, and lovingly named Lillywood Cottage."

She tells readers, "Give your house a name and an identity. It will help you to value it and take pride in it."

Julie's vision for the home is wonderful.  I encourage you to read the post for inspiration! [Photo property of How Does She?]

If you haven't already, you should browse around the How Does She? blog.  The place is loaded with recipes, family centered ideas, organizational inspiration, crafting goodness, and ... well, tons more! Check it out! [Did I mention there are giveaways?  Weeee!]

So, what are you going to name your home sweet home?

What a toddler does during homeschool

I decided to take a couple (Instagram) snapshots this morning while the kiddos homeschooled in order to give a illustration of what a toddler does while we homeschool. Now, this changes from day to day, moment by moment.  Some days, my sweet toddler naps an hour or two while we homeschool but today was not one of those days.

 
Evangeline plays with Legos

 
And tries on glasses

 
Sits in my lap and colors for a bit, then moves to her own spot on the couch.

 
Plays with math manipulatives and attempts to put on her own shoes.

 
Plays with beads on a necklace, snacks on a granola bar.

And then, sometimes....


She just screams, claws at mama, and tries to climb me like a jungle gym.

Becky's Babyshower!

I had the privilege of hosting my friend's baby shower (Sunday), and wanted to share some of the decor and fun times!  It was so great to see Becky's face light up. I know she enjoyed the fellowship with her gal pals much more than all the gifts, but we definitely enjoyed helping her build her cloth diaper stash and wardrobe for the little baby boy who will be arriving soon!

 

I really needed a bigger focal point on the top of the piano, so I pulled out a canvas I had laying around and painted the word "baby" on, adding a few wispy vines, leaves, and such.  Turned out fairly good for being a last-minute-scrawl.   Becky really liked it, so I sent it home with her!

I used a piece of burlap fabric I found on in the remnant clearance some time last year as a runner on top of the piano.  I'm not sure how cute it all looks or if it all goes together, but I like it.  So.. that's what matters, right?  (Hehehe)

  
The cakes turned out beautifully as well- one Shae's daughter made (I think she's 15 or 16 years old), and the cookie cake Nanci got from the American Cookie Company. I love cookie cakes— definitely one of my big weaknesses!

  


Becky cutting the cake with her daughter, Analisa, looking on.  Nanci (curly haired midwife of awesomeness) and a lady whose name I unfortunately do not know in the background.


Nanci and Rebecca.

A pregnant lady with cake. Now that's my kind of gal!

Rebecca, Allison, Heidi




Becky and her daughter, Analisa.

Everyone loves lupper!

Last weekend had "lupper" with my parents (lunch + supper, basically either a late lunch or an early supper) at this really good "Texas" restaurant. It was a little humorous because the owners definitely were not Texan... or even American... but the food was delicious.  We were there to celebrate my Mom's birthday in more of a "low-key" way.  Her birthday was New Years Eve, but she hasn't really wanted to celebrate her birthday since her mother passed away (because her Mother's birthday is the day after hers- on New Years Day).  Anyway, we had a good time, ate tons of food, and left feeling like we couldn't even fit a sip of water in our bellies.

I ordered a chicken fried steak that was bigger than my face (no kidding). I probably ate.. maybe.. half of it?  We had already stuffed ourselves on fried pickles (Mmmm) and loaded potato skins as appetizers! (And a small house salad.)  We totally spoiled ourselves. (But we had a coupon!!)




Evangeline has just recently gotten to wear she will stand wearing a headband, much to my delight. Big flowers and bows on tiny bald baby heads makes me smile.



My mom, in true Nana fashion, brought coloring books and packets for the kiddos so they were well entertained while waiting for food.




Evangeline is *that child* that normally won't go to anyone except Mom or Dad- not even people she knows quite well. I've never had a child like this.  Merika and Keagan were content to be in the arms of complete strangers.  Nolyn didn't really care for people he wasn't super familiar with, but he didn't mind his grandparents, aunts, uncles, or our close friends holding him.  Evie? Yeah, she often won't even go to my parents... or even Nanci (who sees her way more than my parents do).  However, she seems to warm up to my dad quickly (because, who wouldn't? He's playful and super fun), so by the end of our time together, she will usually be content to sit in his lap.




She will especially sit in Poppa's lap if he shares his tea.


Mmmmm, tea.


But, if you aren't careful, your tea will disappear when you aren't looking!


Oh man, we shared three huge desserts. Nolyn claimed he didn't want any dessert, followed by the statement, "Well, maybe I'll just have one bite," but he ate half of this brownie!  It was really nummy, so I can't blame him.


Keagan, Mom, and Hubby shared Banana Fosters.... they loved that!  Merika had cheese cake which she shared with Hubby and Poppa.. and I got a bite too.


*Hehehehehe*  Look at how grown up and handsome my oldest son is!  When did that happen?  He's going to be SEVEN in about two weeks! Who said he could do that?




Take-home boxes always require doodling.


The restaurant has this big duck out front... so of course, the kids wanted their pictures with it!